my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
