Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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