I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
