I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
