when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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