I heard we made out
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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