I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
mondays should just be called national damage control day
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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