Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
