She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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