she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
