No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
