a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
