We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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