New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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