ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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