Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
