im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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