Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
