So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
