I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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