Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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