Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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