So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
