the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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