Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
