maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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