So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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