I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
