Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His hands were made for my vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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