I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
