oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
