So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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