Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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