This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
