I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
