the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
