All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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