i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this is an emotional support booty call
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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