What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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