Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
