Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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