I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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