Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and she was petting her beer can
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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