if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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