Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
