You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
