That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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