wanna go halves on a baby?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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