yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
