I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
