Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
