I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
